The Masks We Wear
by Sandra Evans
Summary: LSF Revan. A very, very brief oneshot about how she acts, and who she really is.


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but this story is MINE!

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Everyone has a mask that they wear, whether one of beauty and kindness, or bitterness and cruelty. Sometimes, it seems as though no one will ever probe beyond the mask that you create to find the person that you really are. But sometimes, there is that one person who goes past your defenses, and is able to see you for who you truly are. And sometimes, that ends up hurting both of you more than you could ever know….

The Masks We Wear:

"Masquerade, paper faces on parade, masquerade; hide your face so that the world will never know you…"

Inspired by the poem, We Wear The Mask.

She was Revan. She had worn a literal mask in a time that seemed to be ages ago. The mask was there to instill fear in her followers, to hide her femininity, and most importantly, to distance herself from what she had become. So long as she had her gruesome mask securely in place, it was not her who was causing all the harm…it was another person…a monster. But she remembers none of this. She does not know why she wore the mask or the robes; she cannot understand her ruthlessness and inhumanity. She has changed.

But at the same time, she is the same. She wears a mask figuratively, as she once had literally. It is a mask of beauty and perfection, of caring and sainthood. It is the flawless shell she created for herself over years of pain and suffering. For she is not as she appears.

Looking into her bluebell eyes, it is impossible to find the anguish and utter self-loathing that lies within her; she has learned to school the windows to her soul. If you should listen to her soft, kind voice, you would easily be deceived; she speaks in such a way to hide the torment and anger that builds deep within her throat. Touching her silky skin would likewise give away nothing; for the smooth texture hides the raw, coarse pain of her soul. She has crafted a perfect mask for herself, unpenetrateable for any who wish to find her true being.

None could see beyond her striking features, her demure personality, her longing to help others, to see what it was that lived inside of her. Deep within the recesses of the fortress that she had built around her heart, lived a wounded animal, longing for love, and unwilling to release its hatred. She had been beaten and abused by the cruel master known as life, cursed by the gods, rejected by family. She lashed out at any that came too close, cowering in corners after they had left, wishing that they had remained.

When her mask was fastened securely in place, the beast was hidden. The shameful, helpless anger and sorrow that welled within her was forced down. In its place stood a creature of grace, an ethereal maid of love and beauty that should exist only in fairy tales, a stark contradiction to the dark and primal beast that she truly was.

In her former life, a young boy had managed to see her for what she truly was, and he loved her for it. Malak saw all of her pain and weakness, and took her burden upon himself when he but a small child in an attempt to ease her sorrow. He saw past the strength of character, and had touched a part of her soul that no one had been able to reach before. And she loved him for it. They grew up; she became a woman, he a man. Their relationship changed accordingly, but they were still the same. They still loved one another, and Malak still carried her grief along with his own, unconsciously feeding from her darkness. When she donned her mask, hiding her beauty behind the cruel plasteel that had been molded to fit and disguise her features, he was the sole being to see behind it, to love the starved beast within her. As time wore on, all that he was carrying for her began to corrupt him, and in that corruption, his love twisted to hate. And in his hate, he killed Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith.

The spirit that lived in Revan's body had been touched by love as well. A simple pilot had breached her defenses and touched her heart in the way that Malak had a lifetime before. Carth was a kindred spirit; he had suffered just as she had. She opened up to him, without knowing why, giving him glimpses of the being behind the mask of beauty. She loved him, and he her for a long time, though they both denied their affections. When she was with him, her mask fell away, and the beast within her gradually began to heal from his caring touch.

But she knew through faded memories and horrendous nightmares what love had done to Malak; how her best friend getting involved with her had corrupted him. She was selfish then, and had allowed his corruption so that she might not feel so stark a pain. But now, she was different, changed. She loved Carth with all of her heart, and she did not want to hurt him as she had hurt her childhood sweetheart. So she left him. After all, love knows when to walk away.

So she now hides behind her mask far away from those she loves, and covers the pain with a kind and caring smile. She left her loved ones behind to be sure they would never be harmed, and has vowed that no one will ever cause her to drop her mask again. So when you see a raven-haired woman with flashing blue eyes walking along the shores of some remote planet, remember that she isn't as she seems. For though longing and sorrow fill her being, her eyes sparkle, her mouth is turned up in an eternal smile; such is the mask that she wears.

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I'll be honest; the idea for this one came to me while I was in the shower, so there's no true streak of genius or superb inspiration behind it. I know, I know! It's depressing. I've been in a weird funk ever since I started writing (which I guess means that I'll never grow out of it…) that almost everything has some aspect of depression to it. Don't hate me though. Thank you for reading, and as always, your posts are extremely appreciated, and as always, please refrian from using cussing that is too ofensive...for my peace of mind. 


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